The Sports Beat

• Did you see ESPN.com’s report about how the Red Sox wanted to suspend Manny Ramirez before last season’s trade deadline? Hilarious stuff. Let me give you a little snippet of the gaiety:

“For weeks leading up to the July 31 trading deadline, Ramirez had been complaining of pain in his right knee. After he told Boston manager Terry Francona that his knee was too sore to play on July 25, the Red Sox’s front office ordered an MRI exam during that night’s game against the Yankees.

But on the way to the exam, Ramirez, according to sources, couldn’t remember which knee was sore. So the Red Sox had both of his knees examined. The MRIs revealed no damage in either.”

***

“A number of incidents earlier in the season added to the tension between Ramirez and the Red Sox. Just after the All-Star break, Boston was swept in Anaheim, a series in which Ramirez reached base in eight of his 13 plate appearances. But late on Sunday afternoon, July 20, as the team was leaving Anaheim for Seattle, he initially refused to board the charter flight. Sources said he told the Red Sox that his knees were so sore, he couldn’t play for three weeks.

He eventually boarded the flight and played in the first two games against the Mariners, reaching base in six of the 10 times he stepped to the plate, before telling Francona his right knee was too sore to play on July 23.

On June 28, Ramirez shoved 64-year-old traveling secretary Jack McCormick to the ground inside Houston’s Minute Maid Park clubhouse after Ramirez was told McCormick might not be able to accommodate his 16-ticket request.”

Oh, man. He forgot which knee hurt. Priceless stuff. If only these reports could be substantiated with quotations attributed to reputable sources we could have quite the read on our hands. I guess we’ll have to wait a few years until Manny’s out of the game and then we can get the dirt. The real question is who will play Manny in Jimmy Fallon’s ”Manny Being Manny?”

• In other news, the Yankees are officially making moves. Or rather, intend to do so. They’ve made one, acquiring Nick Swisher for a brown bag of flaming feces, a move I quite like, and now intend to sign every free agent pitcher to ever walk the face of the earth. I hope it happens–it’ll make them more interesting in the short-term and cost them prospects in years to come, thus keeping them from reaching 27th Heaven. (Hey, Hank, my stuff is almost comparable to Chad Bradford’s from a 1/4 arm slot, how ’bout you give me a few bucks to chuck it for ya? At the very least it’ll be entertaining for the fans, and there’s no way I could be a worse investment than Carl Pavano was–wait, nevermind, Pavano was a great investment, just like Enron, AIG, Lehman Brothers, and me, Brandon Simes!)

• Rumor (Central) has it that Jason Varitek isn’t looking for a Posada-like deal anymore. Gee, you think the fact that he’s become an abysmal offensive player, his defense is only above-average, and he’s old has anything to do with that? I wouldn’t give him more than a one-year deal worth $5 or $6 million with an option year worth the same only on the team’s terms (meaning a team option or a vested option based on incentives, like having an OBP above .330 in more than 100 games).

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